If you’re a cannabis enthusiast, chances are you already know about the many perks of mixing the plant with the sensual. While mixing marijuana and sex is not a good time for everyone, for many of us, it has the potential to heighten an already-pleasurable experience. That said, the thing about cannabis is that it is a substance that most rewards mindful intake. The more deliberately you use Mary Jane as an ally for plugging in (rather than simply an easy escape), the deeper the potential rewards.
That certainly goes for mixing cannabis and sex as well. So, with that in mind, here are some ideas that I hope will help you use cannabis to empower yourself in the bedroom. View them as a jumping-off point — as long as you’re listening to and challenging yourself, you’re probably on a solid path.
Challenge Yourself To Stop Performing
I started with the most difficult — and potentially most rewarding — way to use cannabis in the bedroom. While all sex is somewhat performative, women especially have been socialized by porn and society in general to make sex into a series of moans and expressions designed to protect the (usually male) ego. While performing in that way can sometimes be fun and genuine, it can also distract us from actually connecting to the present moment.
As you get down stoned, check in with yourself and challenge yourself not to make any noises — or do anything for that matter — that doesn’t feel authentic. If that means being silent, go for it. If that means grunting like an animal instead of moaning, more power to you. If it means focusing on the breath or whatever else helps you get to the present moment, even better. If you find that in checking in with yourself you’d like a pause, or aren’t wet enough, or would like to use a toy, don’t just blindly keep going — assert what you desire and need. Whatever it is, see if you can practice viewing sex as something that isn’t for your partner’s ego, but for your own pleasure. It sounds obvious, but you’d be amazed at how difficult a challenge this can be. Having sex stoned will help you catch the areas where you didn’t even realize you were having sex inauthentically.
Assert Your Right To Slow Things Down
One great thing about getting stoned is that it tends to slow down time. If you’re getting down after getting lifted, embrace this effect. Slow down foreplay to the point that you begin to unlearn the idea that receiving pleasure is just an appetizer to the “main event” of penetration. Make out and grind on each other for as long as you can both stand it, getting all riled up like teenagers. Use your loosened inhibitions to try some dirty dancing, a new role play idea you’ve talked about, or having sex in front of the mirror. Channel the munchies into some luxurious 69-ing. Play “Anything But,” where you’re both allowed to do anything but touch one body part, or perform one sex act. Encourage your partner to tease you with ten minutes of nipple stimulation, an ice cube, or whatever else sounds most titillating. Try to savor the journey rather than simply the destination of orgasm, helping to unlearn the adult idea that sex is a goal-oriented exercise (this is a process — don’t beat yourself up if it’s hard!).
Especially if you have a male partner, this is an important opportunity to vocalize your desire to warm up more slowly. Tell them in advance that this is your intention, and that you’d like to try it as a conscious exercise (along with the ideas above). If you have their consent, they won’t be caught off-guard when you start suddenly being more quiet, giving more directions, or slowing down.
Use The Truth Serum To Your Advantage
Cannabis is a known truth serum (so much so that the CIA even once used it to interrogate captives). See if you can embrace the plant’s ability to make you more loose-lipped and honest. Say what’s on your mind in the moment — what you’d like your partner to do to you, what you’re fantasizing about, where your mind goes if you start worrying. If they are going down on you, this is a particularly good time to get more comfortable with giving directions or vocalizing insecurities. See if you can practice giving kind truth. Directions and honesty doesn’t have to be harsh — but if something isn’t working for you in bed, or things are suddenly feeling weird, it’s important to learn how to communicate that, and help your partner learn to solicit your ongoing, enthusiastic consent.
Happy stoned sexing!